Confession
by philstar22
Summary: This is a letter that Harry writes to Hermione in the middle of their sixth year. In it he expresses his feelings and what she means to him. A HHr one shot.


Hermione,  
  
Fear has never really been part of my vocabulary until now. There have been some moments where I have been somewhat afraid, but I did not allow it to be there because I had something else to do. I knew that if I allowed it to control me, it would stop me from saving lives. Also, I knew there was nothing to fear because even if I failed, Dumbledore would be there. After fourth year, this is what got me through. I knew that Dumbledore was not invincible, but he was there. It was not my job to fight the war that I knew would be starting. Dumbledore could handle it. Now, however, everything has changed. Suddenly, Dumbledore is not the man he seemed. He can fail. Suddenly, it is my job to defeat Voldemort. I am the one who has to win this war for the light. The problem is, I do not know how to do this. It makes no sense. I am just a simple boy. How can I defeat Voldemort, one of the two most powerful wizards alive?  
Suddenly I am looking toward the future, something that I never had to do before. The future I see seems so dark and depressing. What will happen to us? I do not know. The future never really mattered to me before. Now, it is all that I can think about. How long will the war last? Can we win? I do not know the answers to these questions. I wish I had all the answers. I wish Dumbledore did. No one does, though. We will just have to wait and see.  
All I ever wanted was to live the life of an ordinary wizard. Why can't I be just Harry? Why can't I grow up, be with my friends, and have a family without having to be an adult. Mrs. Weasley wants me to remain a child, this I know. I can't, though. I have to grow up. I have to face my destiny. Oh, sure, I could ignore it. I could let our entire world be destroyed while I sit back and be a child. What kind of person would I be if I did that? I can't just ignore it and make it go away. Voldemort wants me dead, more so than ever. I have to be able to defend myself. I must fight.  
Sometimes I feel so alone, like no one understands what I am going through. I feel like I have to face the future all by myself. I lie awake and think about how this is all my fault. It is my fault that Wormtail got away. It is my fault that Cedric died. It is my fault that Sirius died. It was my blood that Voldemort used to regain his power. All of this is my fault. I wish that I had never been born, but then Voldemort would still be in power. I wish that I had never discovered our world, but then I would be stuck with the Dursleys. I don't know what to think. I try to blame others. I blamed Snape, Dumbledore, Umbridge, Bellatrix and others. It still all came down to me and trying to displace my guilt.  
It is in times like these that you are there. You remind me that it is Voldemort's fault and Bellatrix's. It is not my fault. You are there, with your rationality, and you always know exactly what to say. You are not the only one. There is Ron, Ginny, Neville, and Luna. All five of you are there for me whenever I need you. You all try to shake this guilt out of me. When I told you of the prophesy you said that you would be there for me whatever happens. I hold on to this when my thoughts get darkest.  
Though you all are here for me, Hermione, it is you who has always been there. You never asked for fame. You never asked for anything. You were just there for me. Even when Ron and I were fighting, or Ron and you, you were still here, right by my side. I know that whatever happens, you will be here. Hermione, I have been thinking about this a lot lately. You are my logic, Hermione. When things threaten to overwhelm me, you are here. I have no doubt that you will never leave.  
When I think about the future, the only constant is you. I don't want to think about being without you. I know that whatever happens, we will face it together. If I lose you, I am not sure that I could survive. You are my anchor, Hermione, and my light. I need you more than I have ever needed anyone before. No one can take your place in my life; not Ron, Ginny, Neville, Luna, Dumbledore, Remus, or anyone. You are my life, Hermione Granger.  
Our friendship has been there since first year. We have shared a bond that has continued to grow. I know that I took you for granted. You really are the thing that I would miss the most. Hermione, something has happened recently. It happened so slowly that I did not realize it until it was too strong to ignore. Hermione, you are my friend, but somehow now you are more. I get up each morning thinking about you, and my last thoughts before sleep are about you. I dream about you at night, and daydream about you in class. Hermione, I think that I have fallen in love with you. It is not like that crush I had on Cho. It is stronger. I think that I really love you. My feelings started in fifth year, though I did not realize it at the time. Now, Hermione, my love for you is so strong that I feel I could do anything.  
I would do anything for you, Hermione. I am afraid of what will happen if Voldemort finds out I love you. I wish I could ignore these feelings to protect you, but I can't. I need to know if you feel the same way I do. Hermione, will you be my girlfriend? I want to start slow, but I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I do not know how long we will have, but I want to make the most of every minute with you. Hermione, if you do not feel the same way, you can tell me. I know that Ron has a crush on you, but that crush has been shrinking. Do you love him? I really do not know. I am not the best at knowing these sorts of things. I asked Ron, and he told me to go ahead. He thought that you felt the same way about me. I hope that you will feel the same way. I need you, Hermione. I need you by my side. I do not think that a relationship will ruin our friendship. A relationship will only strengthen it. I love you, Hermione. Please say you feel the same way.  
  
Harry 


End file.
